Toby has been with us for more than two years – hard to believe. Time and again, I have noted that he has “finally settled in” only for him to relax even more. To be clear, Toby was very anxious when he moved in. He still has his anxious moments and perhaps he will always have those. More often than not, though, he now reaches out to me not in fear but wanting to draw me closer – he will pull in my arm and lick my hand – just a few licks and then he lets me go. A year after he came to live with us, he started crawling onto my lap for a snuggle – kneading my tummy before settling in for a nap. He cuddles with me in bed. He has the warmest paws I’ve ever felt and likes to hold my hand. He still does not like to be picked up so I try to only pick him up when necessary and, although he gets irritated, he no longer lunges in protest. He is learning to trust and has made great strides.
Toby is a cat with personality and energy. My mother says he’s “a character and a half” and she is right. Unfortunately for her, some of that spills over into her space – for the first year, he was determined to connect with her. One of his favorite places to lay was on the tray in front of her chair. She petted him until he was ready to move on to another of his spots. He also liked to sprawl out on his back with splayed legs – I swear he does this to tease my mother, who will invariably point out that it’s an indecent pose! He seemed to have a smile on his face whenever she said this. In the living room and my mother’s bedroom, the furniture is arranged in an unintended obstacle course for him to traverse.
He has become very good about getting his energy out early in the morning by zooming around the living room and chasing his toys. Then he settles down for a snooze. Sometimes he watches the cars go by outside, searches for birds flying around, or otherwise entertains himself. Toby wakes me early and works hard to get me out of bed and into the kitchen. He seems to have a talent for pestering me at just the right time. He knows what drives me crazy: sliding his long legs under the blanket and lightly flicking me with his claws. He knows that will this invariably will rouse me enough to give a stern, “Toby, stop, no!” That’s when he knows he has won … eventually, I get up and wander to the kitchen. We have a routine.
Once I am up, Toby wants to play. He has a lot of toys, is a jumper with great paw-eye coordination, and can stalk with the best of them. Before I’m out of bed, he entertains himself, though prefers a bit more interaction once I’m up. When my mother’s caregiver comes, he races her to the chair in mom’s bedroom. He loves to lie on Mom’s bed, look out her bedroom windows, and curl up on her bedroom chair or dresser. He will sometimes spend all afternoon in my mom’s room with her and her caregiver. He sneaks under her bedspread so we have to look for a lump on the bed! After she goes to bed, he takes over her living room chair or comes to cuddle with me. He loves his toys and treats.
The bad news is that all this energy can be a bit much. He had to go to the vet a couple of weeks ago and I have to medicate him to calm him down. I don’t think the medicine worked very well because he was returned to me with most of the work undone! They took him to the back and he … hissed, growled, screamed, scratched, bit, peed, and pooped. He has been labeled as “aggressive” and “very strong” by the vet’s office. I’ll give them “very strong” but he is not really aggressive, just scared. I know that distinction may be too nuanced when you are trying to give a shot or draw blood for tests, but it is an important distinction for my boy. The good news: we have a new appointment and a new strategy – like his larger lion cousins, they will knock him out and do what needs to be done.
Unlike my cat Oscar, who settled in quickly, Toby was frequently ill-at-ease when he came to live with us. We do not know what happened to him earlier in his life, but it is clear that something did. He experienced trauma. Perhaps there were humans or animals who were unkind to him, which makes me sad. He reminds me of Of Mice and Men‘s Lenny – sweet and loving but sometimes a little too strong for his own good. He’s a sensitive boy and I would love to hear his story, as it has taken a long time for him to accept us as his family. I think he realizes he has a good thing there – he can be on his own in a quiet space, run around and play with his toys, or hang out with us. He has lots of places to stretch and purr. Perhaps we need to give him more exercise or socialize him more – we are trying and he’s becoming more social as he meets new people and explores the hallway outside the apartment.
He is definitely a unique character … a silly, sweet character and a half! And I’m hoping that Toby’s ruthlessly effective strategies to get me out of bed will lead to the next step … actually getting me to be productive – to play with him more often, write a blog post, work on hobbies, or think about how to spend my time – that would be grand!
