Though often applied to Alzheimer’s disease, the long goodbye also describes other dementia-related conditions. Since I last wrote about my mother, her capacity to care for herself has declined. Fortunately, she is physically able to take care of the basics, but mentally she is having a difficult time. I cannot imagine dealing with the level of memory loss she now has – she often doesn’t really know where she is. She still knows me, which is a blessing, but sometimes she thinks I’m her sister rather than her daughter. She mixes up her brothers and her sons. She frequently tries to remember who is alive and who has died. She’s 92 now, so many of the people she once knew have died.
Continue readingmemory
the evolution of things
In a prior posts (including staying on schedule, logging progress and challenging fears), I talked about putting together lists and organizing my mother’s time and space. It’s a process. Every time we fix one piece, there seems to be another that needs an adjustment. These aren’t wholesale changes – just tweaking around the edges. Changing out one spreadsheet for another. Switching out furniture for something easier to use. Editing some instructions on how to use X, Y and Z to include more pictures. Simplifying … everything. Continue reading
where’s millie?
A couple of weeks ago, my mother’s first words of the day were, “Where’s Millie?” and I froze. Millie is my mother’s younger sister who died about 42 years ago. She didn’t remember that Millie had died of a brain tumor. I think she realized that forgetting this particular piece of information was a bit unusual for her, as she was rather quiet when I told her. For the next 20 minutes or so, until I left for work, I heard her quietly say several times that she couldn’t believe that she didn’t remember. Continue reading
death and memory loss
Last year, my mother lost one of her best friends. It was tremendously sad for all of us, as Ginny was a wonderfully energetic woman who shuttled my mother to the doctor’s office, the grocery store, the library and anywhere else Mom needed to go. Ginny was 73 years old and, though she had been sick for a couple of months, her death was a shock. She was always busy with family, crafts, the Church, social organizations and friends, particularly my mother. She always made time for her and went out of her way to make sure Mom was safe and sound. I don’t know what we would have done without her. Continue reading
finding an educational message
Television is at its best, in my opinion, when it opens a window on something new or shines a spotlight on something artistic or presents great storytelling. For my mother, television is a primary source of information. She no longer reads newspapers and rarely reads magazines. TV is her source for national and local news; she doesn’t follow the ins and outs of pop culture. However, she does like history and science. Continue reading
finding the funny everyday
It’s been a while since I posted about life with Mom, who is 89 years old. She is living with me now after years of living independently. Before she moved here, she had a group of friends with whom she would go shopping or work on craft projects. They would chat and laugh and enjoy each other’s company. They still do chat and laugh, but much less frequently and at a distance of 400+ miles. People don’t call as often as they used to and who writes letters anymore? Mom’s movement is more limited – it’s physically hard for her to get around and she is afraid to go out and do things because she’s in a new city. Sometimes she can’t remember where she’s going or how to get home. I think she’s afraid that if she goes out, she will be lost forever. Her world is shrinking. Continue reading
movie magic sometimes strikes
My mother is no longer able to follow complex or fast-paced movies, which is not surprising given that she is 89. Her short-term memory is problematic; she tends to do better with long-term memories. Yet, while old movies and TV shows are easier for her to follow, sometimes she still has difficulty following the story and loses track of the characters. At least with old movies, the pacing is slower (as is the flow of text in closed captioning) and the plots are a little more familiar. She also remembers some of the old actors and actresses that she watched when she was younger. Continue reading
clearing out and letting go
Even in a small space, there are things to sell, give away, donate or throw away. When Mom came to live with me, she mailed several boxes of clothes, craft supplies, etc. and I found homes for them in the closet or in drawers. I sorted through my things to make space for whatever she sent down. This meant that some of my things were put out for anyone to take while other items were donated to organizations helping: women fleeing domestic violence or homeless people in Baltimore or veterans who need assistance or shelter-bound animals seeking a home. Of course, some items were thrown away, having already given their all. Item A needed space so Item B had to go. Continue reading
o christmas tree!
I’ve always decorated (somewhat) for Christmas. I’ve always had a tree and put out some holiday knick knacks. My mother LOVES Christmas. Loves decorating. Loves the tree lights. Therefore, my efforts had to increase substantially this year! Continue reading
my mother, my cat and me 