My last few posts about aging and caring for an elderly loved one have focused on the more negative, frustrating, and challenging aspects of caring for family members. This post is about appreciating my Mom. I found a book called, What I Love About You, Mom: 30 Things I Love About You and the Reasons Why I Love You Fill-in-the-Blank Gift Book. Gifts for Mom (What I Love About You Series Books). This book focuses on answering 30 questions that allow kids of any age to consider why they love their mother. Here are my responses to a few of the questions – I hope these make my mother feel proud.

You are the best at making me feel … loved and supported. You have always listened to me and helped me believe in myself. You have always been excited and happy to talk with me and hear what is going on in my life. You have always been willing to help me in whatever I needed. This is an amazing gift to a child and an adolescent, as well as a legacy to cherish throughout adulthood. I felt that you gave me both roots and wings while helping me become an independent person.

I’m proud that you are my mother because … you are a very brave and strong woman. After Dad died in the 1970s, you did what you needed to do to provide for me. You became an independent woman making a living at a time when that was not a popular or common thing for a woman to do. You faced the economic and social challenges of being a widow with grace. You involved me in your work and made things special. You are amazing and taught me that I have the capacity and ability to take care of myself.

A note on this: I recently spoke with a friend who is a fairly recent widow and she shared that the social challenges faced by widows like my mother 40 or 50 years ago actually continue today. Rather than support from her friends in the sisterhood, there is sometimes suspicion that widows want to latch onto other women’s husbands. While there may be some women who are looking for that kind of security, it casts in an unfair light the widows who just lost the love of their life and are trying to put the pieces back together to support their children. My Mom didn’t want your husband, she wanted her husband back – entirely different things. She also wanted support from her friends, some of whom turned their back on her.

You’ve always encouraged me to … take chances and achieve my goals. Whether it was going to college or moving away from home to take on my dream job, you were encouraging and worked to understand my decisions. Sometimes this was hard on you and I’m sorry for that. It often meant that I couldn’t come home to visit because of limited vacation or lack of money. Our phone calls helped me through some very challenging times. You understood that a key component of parenting is preparing your child to be ready to care for themselves. Congratulations on your success as a mother!

I look forward to sharing more of these notes about why my mother is a role model and great teacher, a source of strength, and a successful person.